I have to stop asking the universe certain things...

It's been one heck of a month.  Things were flowing since getting my new school job.  I was dropping the pounds naturally, working out 5x per week, and had a great steady pace.  That was until the middle of last month.  I got a virus...one of those horrible upper respiratory viruses that just stuck.  Then two weeks later, I got a flu shot.  Not exactly the smartest thing to do is to get a flu shot while your immune system is struggling. Then week three of sickness hits.  I'm not getting any better, in fact, I'm getting worse.  No energy, horrible cough for three weeks so I hit urgent care...20 minutes before close on Halloween.  Not a good idea either...dx was upper respiratory and I was prescribed cough medicine.  Then I do something extremely stupid, which was taking kid out in rain for Halloween where I get totally soaked.  Two days later, I'm back in urgent care...dx bronchitis and placed on antibiotics, inhaler, and jacked up cough medicine that made me manic.  That week is horrible...I'm barely functioning.  I somehow manage to make it 75% of the week at work.  Mind you, that I'm rarely sick, I haven't used a sick day since 2001.  I get worse but I push through because I have some school meetings and some IEPs, I need to be there.  Then, Chris goes out to training to Chicago for work and luckily my parents come down to help.  I continue to struggle so I go to urgent care once again because I'm in horrible pain from my rib where I was coughing too much.  DX, rib contusion...next night, I wake up with a pounding heart where it was jumping out of my chest.  Blood pressure is 177/110.  I can't calm down, I'm radiating pain in my chest in a different area.  I try to focus for an hour and continue to struggle.  I start goggling...I know, it's not necessarily good to do that at all but I do.  My symptoms match blood clot but I'm still convinced it was a super bad panic attack but then I figure WTH, just go in to the ER.   I have insurance, I just need to go. I left the house while my parents and kid were sleeping, I didn't tell them where I was going. I go in to the ER, get seen fairly quickly.  Give the symptoms plus explain that I have major hx anxiety.  Doctor listens so he has me do some xrays.  Everything looks good but vitals are still horrible.  Then he has me in for a cat scan.  They hit me with some morphine and fluids.  Morphine is totally whacked...never felt that feeling before.  I have no clue why someone would want to get high off it because that feeling is not fun when it hits your body.  I wait, wait, wait.  Three hours after the cat scan, doctor comes in.  I have a small pulmonary embolism in my right lung.  Shit, there was something wrong with me.  I call Chris for him to come home, left a message for my parents, texted my principal and sister.  My parents thought that I was at school until my sister got a hold of them.   I was admitted to the medical floor after having a heparin drip.  First doctor scares the crap out of me, I was told that I'm needing to take a blood thinner for 6 months and that I will not be able to be active at all.  All I can do is go to work and that's it.  Okay...scared...I'm non stop.  Then I'm in there for 1.5 days.  Discharge doctor clarifies that it's a small blood clot and she's not too sure how it got there because I had a clean ultrasound for my legs, no DVT.  She notes that I can go back to exercising and not too worry about limiting activity, which is much better.  I get linked up with a doctor down here as my old doctor retired in Grand Rapids.  He reports just like the second doctor that I'm okay to exercise.  He cannot explain the PE but reports that I should be off the meds in 3 months.  Then we discussed my weight and he was cool about it but we are going to get it down.  I'm going in for testing for anemia and tests to see if I have the genetics that may effect clotting issues plus he hooked me up with a mammogram...happy 40th birthday to me.  So what a month, super scary but I'm happy that I am okay.  I'll be off the meds hopefully soon but whosh...I don't ever want to go through that again.  I asked the universe a few months back for a wake up call for my hx, I guess I got it.

Things are still going amazing at work.  I love my job.  School social work is the best.  We work hard and put 12 months of work into 10 but it's the most rewarding job ever.  I'm blessed.  Kid and I had a wonderful summer.  It was simply amazing between spending the summer at the beach, air zoo, nature center, and library.

The kid is going to school next year...I can't believe it.  Looking around at the local school, they are cramming in 26-30 kids in a classroom with no para-support.  It's supposed to be the best school in there area, but heck, I'm not drinking that Koo laid.  Hum....no thanks, 26-30 is INSANE for a kindergarten classroom.  After some looking, we found a private STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, Math) that we plan on sending him to.   They get gym 4x per week, Spanish 4x per week, and Art 2x/Music2x.  Plus they have robotics, which is a major plus.   Chris is really passionate about the school especially since he has found his new passion at work with programing and he would like to give the kid every opportunity for exposure that he can get.  Chris got this massive promotion last spring to be in analytics at his company and he has been programming/automating across the whole company enterprise, so needless to say, he found his passion.  Since we set this goal a few months back, we have been aggressively saving money each week so the kid can attend there.   I was wondering last week how we were not going to have to dip into savings/keep the same savings schedule going but again....the universe answered my question by giving me a heck of a long on call shift so Christmas is on my old job :)  I so have to stop asking the universe things because I might not want to go through the situation.

Here's to health...and off of meds in 2.5 months.

Things are settling in....

Wow, my new life is amazing.  It feels so good to say this.  The new job is terrific.  Couldn't be happier.  I am fortunate to have some awesome team members and some great kids that I get to work with.  Life is good!  It's been a long time since I have been truly able to utter those words.

I went from a very sedentary job to an active job.  To walk from one end of the building to the other side is about .25 round trip so I'm ranking in the miles.  I started back on the gym Saturday so I'm finding my groove again.

In slimming down the life style, I did cancel WW.  I'm going to try spark people to log my calories.  I can't justify $42.95 any more because I haven't been going to the meetings.  So we will see where it goes.  WW will always be there.  It's not the only tool out there.  Plus, carving out an hour on the weekend in the afternoon has been tough.  I just want to hang with Chris and the kid.  

So here's to a good flow again.  I have hope!

New job, new life?

January 5th, I start my new job.  It's 5 minutes from home...yes, 5 minutes from home.  Hours are 7:45 - 3:45 but best of all summers off!  Yes summers off!!!  I never ever have to work about daycare in the summer.  I'll continue to do some part time work with my current work place but oh my goodness, life is only going to change for the better.  Chris is up for a massive promotion in his department too so it's looking awesome on all fronts.  It's been quite a while since I've felt that life is finally heading in the direction that we would like it too.  It's going to be an awesome 2015!

Just a little patience...

It's been four years since we knew that things were going to change in our life.  I was pregnant with the little guy and we found out that Chris's job was going to be transferred within two years.  Knowing that we were going to have to switch up everything was...well not fun.  I have trouble embracing change.  In my mind, I want to keep everything the same.  I knew what I wanted my life to be like.  We would live in our Grand Rapids house forever.  I would work at my old job.  Chris would still be at his job.  And we would fit the kid in there somewhere but that's not how it worked out to be.  We had to make a choice and driving back on christmas day 2011, I knew I did not want my husband to be stuck in a car pool 5x a week going down from Grand Rapids to Kalamazoo.  I knew then I would have to push my comfort zone and embrace the idea of moving.  Unfortunately, I never really embraced what was happening.

The last few years have been interesting.  I sometimes look at my life and feel like the Talking Heads song "Once in a Lifetime".  Especially in the lyrics part of "And you may ask yourself What is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself Where does that highway go to?  And you may ask yourself Am I right?...Am I wrong? And you may say to yourself yourself My God!...What have I done?! "  

Which is true because there are times that I had to sit back and go "whose life is this because it's not feeling like mine".  It's not felt like mine really especially the last two years.   Like "this is not really my house...this is not really my life".  I kept wanting to wake up and hope it was a dream.  I grabbed a job that was very eye opening.  I knew I didn't follow my gut and I totally screwed myself.  Then I got into my present position.  I knew it was going to be okay but I didn't know for how long.  I had to learn to look at my life instead of a whole picture like I usually do to looking at my life with just blinders.  Then last week, an opportunity fell on my lap that is still blowing my mind.  Our whole life is going to change for the better.  Blinders off and I'm seeing the whole picture...and I can't be more excited.

Life is going to be amazing again...and I can't wait...and it's taken just a bit of patience :)

Things are settling down...

Things are finally settling down.  I'm no longer a contract worker, which is freaking awesome.  I never realized how much that was bothering me until recently.  I was told that I would have a position post 10/1 but I'm not trusting so I worried a lot more than I should have.  Even though regular employment has a "false sense of security", I wanted that...and I didn't have it until last week.  I'm permanent and I got the salary adjustment that I was looking for.  Needless to say, I'm feeling better about the job.  There's supposed to be bigger things in store for me during the next few months so I will wait and see...but not hold my breath!

Tonight, I hit the basement.  It's been several months since I have been down there.  There's a ton of boxes from our old house that need to be unpacked.  It's been two years and every time I go down there, I run back upstairs because it's way too overwhelming.  Determined to find my pumpkin patch that I know is down there, I started peeking.  I didn't run and I've come to the conclusion, that it's got to be organized and stuff needs to be either be used, donated, or tossed.  Eventually, we are going to want to finish that off so it needs to happen.  Hopefully over the next few months, we'll get it done.  I didn't find my pumpkin patch but I did find my vintage jewelry, old picture, and postcard album that I thought I lost so it was good.  The one good thing is I love the feeling of "Oh, I remember I got that....".

Went back to WW a few weeks back.  I'm doing the filling foods option and so far so good.  The meeting is smaller and everyone seems to be nice.  We'll see how it goes but I had to do something :)

My little guy is 3.5 years old :)

My little man is 3.5 years old :) He is so smart and spunky it blows my mind some times (and tries my patience at times).  He is so tall and looks older that it's hard to believe he is only 3.5...which can be a blessing but a curse as well because when people interact with him, they think he's older.  We had a great labor day weekend.  We were supposed to hit Warren Dunes State park over the labor day weekend but weather was iffy so we decided to hotel it and hit Chicago.  It was a must needed trip as I was totally crispy fried from a horrible oncall night so we needed a guaranteed good weekend.  Besides the hotel being arg (we will never stay at the Palmer House again...ever) it was amazing.  We took the kid to the Lincoln Park zoo and let him climb all over the childrens area.  We also hit up the children's museum on Navy Pier which was totally utopia for children.  They have this cool ship where the kids can climb from one floor to the next.  The kid was in heaven.  So needless to say, fun times were had by all in our family.

I'm battling some burnout from work....I'm tired.  I've been stretched thin for the past month since we are so bare bones.  Luckily, it went back to normal this week but I've essentially been in hiding at my office and nose to the grind stone until I get caught up.  I've had to cover 3 other co-workers jobs so it's been tiring.  I'm grateful that I'm getting this break but I know the surge will be coming soon again.  We have two days next week off for a get away so hopefully it will be restful and not stressful that I took a few days off.  Our vacation time this past summer was off because Chris had trial.  I can honestly feel that I'm due for a decent break.  Self care and time off can be hard in my life of work...I'm trying...and I'm looking forward for some days to regroup.

I'm in love with both of these dresses.  I really am.  I've been really good about not buying anything from GB but I was so tempted to buy both of them.  It was hard to send it back.  But I did and I'm sure I will get another cute one in it's place :)  The one thing I love is getting out of my comfort zone and trying something new.

That was nice....

My little man was happy for a semi-vacation.  The conference went well so it was nice to see my two co-workers who I miss dearly.  Funny how it doesn't seem like two years has passed.  You know you have good friends when things just flow like you haven't missed a beat.  I didn't cry too much with my friends.  Only when I saw my one friend on the first day, I burst out into happy tears because it had been two years since I have seen her.  I went from seeing her daily to not seeing her so it's been hard.  She's a great friend because she was real and kept me in check.

It was a much needed relaxing couple of days.  We camped the night before going up north. Originally we were supposed to stay at the camp ground until Sunday but we decided that it was going to be too much.  Plus, it was our first non state park campground and it left much to be desired because when we camp, we want to be away from the masses.  The straw that broke the camels back was when the camp ground had a "petting zoo" where they placed small animals into way too cramped quarters then 200 kids swarming the poor little things.  We looked at each other and asked, "do you want to leave" and we both nodded "hell yes"  so we got the hell out of there.  We will never go to a camp ground like that ever again...never ever...

I have some interesting things happening at work.  Was was verbally given a promotion but who knows if that is going to actually come into fruition.  The other director who is not in charge of me asked if I was interested in a team leader position so that I could help her out by supervising some staff.  We had breakfast with each other a few days earlier and she asked "what do you need here" and I noted "more money" because when I moved down here, I took a little over a 20% pay cut.  I know social workers down here have horrible wages but come on...I've seen the pay scales.  Since I was a grant position and I wanted out of my "transitional job" I jumped at my current position.  I was "supposed" to get a raise in January but I was told after they promised me a raise that "oh, we forgot, grant positions don't get a raise"   I've just had to be patient.  Funny thing is that she heard that I wasn't "interested" in taking a leadership position she heard so needless to say, I'm glad she asked.   Chris and I are on the two year plan down here.  We are giving it until the summer of 2016 to re-evaluate if we should move back to GR.  That will give me some time to see how it flows at work and then see where things stand for him.  He's loving his job.  He's moved over to the right division so he's in heaven.  He's starting school tomorrow at Penn State so things are really lining up to him.  With his recent acquisition of skills, he is really soaring in his current department which is awesome to see.  He loves his job, which is the reason why we came down here in the first place.  I just need to remind myself, two years....if it's not better, we are packing up.  It still was a smart move as we are much better off financially but in the areas of feeling accumulated we are not there.  I swear it feels one day that I will wake up and we will be back home.  There's nothing about here that feels like home.  It's just a place to store our stuff.

I'm wearing my Karen Kane dress from Gwynnie Bee.  It was a really comfy dress.  I have never worn a dress like this before so I paired it with a cardigan for work.  Plus, I wore these earrings from Rocksbox.  They were adorable so I just had to put them on.  Not too shabby :)

Is it better to know or not to know...?

So, is it better to know or not to know behind the scene things?  I had a chance to debrief with a friend and found out that I didn't bomb so horribly, in fact, things were looking super good until the last person came in.  In this instance, there was no competition...she was bound to shine, and that's okay because I've multiple times to shine in my life....and multiple times to bomb :)  Lately, I've been bombing more than shinning but that's kind of where life is at right now.  To find out that I actually did decent was surprising.  Then the other part to this, is knowing that I was this close...this close to something huge. Which in itself does suck to know I was this close...So is life...so is life, right now.

It's been a long week and I'm looking forward to the weekend and next week.  We are spending part of the weekend camping with some friends where we are taking over a Jellystone Park, no lie...there's going to be a massive party (but in a good way).  We were joking with friends that we need the T-shirts that note "2014 Jellystone Take Over".  Then the other part of the weekend is that we are headed off to Traverse City on the company dime.  I have a four day conference next week where I get to be surrounded by greatness.  I get to spend some quality time with some of my closest former co-workers so I'm super excited.  I just have to tell myself "Don't cry Kellie".  It's bad because every time I see someone from Grand Rapids, I just start to cry.  I can't help it but I miss their daily presence in life.  Heck, I'm even crying right now writing this post.  I just have this swirling emotion of missing my friends.  To spend 12 years with people in the trenches, only to move on is kind of hard for me.  I just miss them...and I can't wait to see them.  I just keep on telling myself, I can do this...I can do this...which I can but it's just not fun.

I'm wearing the 3 Dots Dress from Gwynnie Bee.  I am so expanding my tastes right now.  I have to say that this has been one of my favorite dresses ever.  I usually avoid anything with stripes but all I can say is "oh yes!!!"  It's made in the USA and it's super comfy :)

Maybe...?

Chris was at a trial for two weeks so I was a single mom for a bit.  All I have to say is kudos to the single mom's out there because that was hard.  He was home on the weekend but he was doing some major prepping so he was around but technically not available.  Luckily, the trial ended Friday so he is back but whosh!  In the middle of that, I was socked with oncall where I was out from 6pm -  3am in the morning.  All I can say is "I'm getting too old for this"...bouncing back after 3 hours of sleep and putting in a whole day's worth of work is not good.  I'm finally feeling semi-normal again but it throws me for a loop.

Here's me in this cutie.  It's something that I would normally not wear but sometimes it's nice to go outside of my comfort zone.  The day I wore it, I paired it with this killer statement necklace.  Back in the day, I would have stayed away from this dress but the new me is like "bring it on".  I almost bought the dress but it was $45 dollars off of Gwynnie Bee but I'm trying to be good this money and I'm not allowing myself to buy anything...which can be really hard.

Chris is applying time work from the home on Monday.  I'm hoping that he will get it because if he does, we can move back home eventually.  We're done with Kalamazoo.  We've given it two years and it's still doesn't feel like home to us.  Our house is gorgeous but there is no attachment to it.  Luckily, we chose well when we came down because it's looking at this point we would nearly enough money to put down about 60- 75% of what a one income home in Grand Rapids.  Then I could decide what I want to do.  A Costco cashier job is looking pretty good at this point.  I have a couple of options so it would be nice to spend time with the kid before he goes off to school.  Maybe it's a pipe dream but I'm ready to go :)  A house down the road in the older subdivision went in one day so there is no question about our home.  It's pretty unique for the subdivision and we have all the little fancies that someone would want.  I know I'm semi-dreaming but in our case, it's nice to dream :)

Oh what fun!

This is how excited the kid gets when we go camping!  It is so amazing to sit back and watch him grow with every adventure.  He can list off all the parks we have been too and what we have done there.  Like in Ludington, we visited the lighthouse or in Holland we visit The Captains (an ice cream spot where he gets a baby cone with sprinkles with a cherry on top).  This past weekend, we split the Saturday/Sunday between Holland State Park (beach side) and Grand Haven.  It was amazing.  It was our first time staying at Grand Haven but it will not be the last.  The people were so friendly there.  It's nice to be surrounded by like minded people.  Our campsite was just off the beach.  The weather wasn't the greatest on Sunday but we experienced how well the camper would take a thunderstorm.  Needless to say, the T@DA did terrific.  We were supposed to spend the whole week in Grand Haven for the Coast Guard Festival but Chris has court for work so we had to cancel our vacation.  We were kind of sad that we had to cancel but I keep on reminding myself that we can do a trip to Maine next year.  We bought the camper in New Hampshire so we will stop and visit with the former owners.  They were amazing.  I just feel so lucky to have such an amazing trailer.  It's wonderful.  It's usually the smallest in the park and we get a ton of verbal kudos from people who remark it's adorable.

I have to say with having Chris busy with court for possibly the next two weeks, I never knew how much I depended on him for support.  I have to say that I am fully appreciating him a ton.  All I can say is, can the weekend get here fast enough?

Congrats to my sister.  Today, she received her first job offer with benefits and retirement.  She was a stay at home mom until the boys went into school.  She went to the local community college and earned a certificate and did contract work for a bit.  She was able to find a job in her town so she and her husband do not have to move and she could even walk to work.  It's such an exciting time for her!  She and her husband have created an amazing life for their family because they have been available to the kids, have two rentals, and paid cash for their current home.  My brother in law is extremely handy and lucky the market is good where they live.  My folks live in the same town so it's great that they will all be together.  It's such a nice town to visit and the awesome thing is that my nephews will not have to move either.  Woot Woot for good news!

I'm still experimenting with my style.  Thanks to Gwynnie Bee, I keep on moving outside of my comfort box.  The one thing I have learned that it is so funny how sizes in women's clothing works.  In the picture, I'm wearing a 1XL Cherry Velvet.  I really liked the look of it on me but I am swimming in it.  I threw on a belt to cinch my waist a tad.  So a 1XL can be big on me, while in another brand it can be too tight on me.  I just don't get it but I will keep on learning.  I bought some accessories from the Coldwater Creek that was going out of business.  It's sad to see that company go under.  Their items held up so well.
 

I knew it!

The one amazing gift I truly have is the ability to get an accurate assessment about people very quickly after meeting them.  I've always had the ability to do this but I didn't necessarily understand it when I was younger.   Now, I'm in a spot that I use it daily and I continue to get better and better at it.   It does come in handy when you are a social worker too.  Last week I was in a room with some people, I wanted something really bad at that point in time but right when I assessed the situation only being in for less than a few minutes, I knew, it wasn't going to happen.  The universe was like "hell no, this one's not for you".  Funny that has happened in my life a few times where I have tried to convince my gut otherwise, like "you silly girl, you are just reading things wrong" but deep down inside, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I can remember my last job when I got there.  I knew right away, that it was not going to be a fit.  I remember crying on my way home from the interview and thinking "it will be okay" but deep down inside, I knew it was not going to be okay.  When I arrived on my first day at the job, I thought "oh shit, what the fuck did I do?".  I convinced myself that it was going to be okay that I took the job because we needed to transition down to Kalamazoo.  Needless to say, my reaction to my new boss/coworkers was true that it was not going to be good, despite me noting that it would "be okay", it wasn't.   Hell I do have to remind myself that I don't need a crystal ball...when I know things are not going to happen, they are not going to happen.  And that's okay.  The universe tends to lay things out how they are supposed to be.  Sometimes, I just need to sit back and just let things unfold without being too anxious about it, because what will be will be.  Just trusting that it will be okay, well, that's an interesting process.  So I'm pigeoned holed for a while and it will be okay.   The bright spot now is at least I am in a better place now mind frame wise compared to what I was. And I will take that!

Exploring...

One of the coolest things that I get to do lately is to explore the new area that I work in.  I'm really digging the South Bend, Indiana area. I'm always hunting to do awesome activities with kids so finding some in the area that I work is always fun.  I was out last week and I look over and there's a pottery shop.  Having some time on my hands, I decided to go in and just browse.  After seeing the awesome prices, I decided to do some painting.  For the first time in my life, I got to paint some pottery and it was an absolute blast.   Growing up, I never had anything with my name on it.   When I saw the coffee cup, I was like "Oh yeah!".   I'm not artistic what so ever but I have to say, it was one of the most relaxing experiences ever.  To spend a Friday afternoon, relaxing, and just having a new experience is amazing.  It's what every Friday should be like, right?  My creation will be done in 7-10 days after they fire it up so I cannot wait until I see the finished product.

Today was an interesting day.  The morning was filled with a meeting to discuss wither or not my work opts back into social security.  To watch the emotions going on around me was amazing because I saw true fear from others that they will not be retiring like they thought they would.  I have to say, thank goodness for all of the wise saving we have done.  I can't even begin to imagine being 62 and "having to work until I die" (which one co-worker reported).  One of the reasons that we went with Chris's job is that not only does his company have a defined pension, which is truly rare in this day in age but he also has a generous 401 that his company contributes to.  I can only hope that we will make it to retirement to enjoy it :)

I sported the lip print maxi dress from Gwynnie Bee today.  I must say for 90 degrees, this was the perfect dress for me.  I spent half the day outside/in warmer areas so it was perfect.  I also sported my Taos Shoes that had a slight heal and I was rocking it out. Though, by the end of the day, my feet were saying "WTF Kellie?"  Yes, I'm 38 years old and probably on one hand could count how many times I have worn something with a heel.  They were amazing and comfy but by the end of the day, I feel like I am losing my toe. Not a good feeling at all!

The kid was in an amazing mood today.  I have to say that this age is absolutely fun.   Three is good! To hear what he feels and what his joys are in life just warms the heart.  We have been taking him to swim lessons since the spring and to see his confidence grow in the pool is amazing.  Watching him glide from one side to another just keeps me in awe.  Like this proud moment of "that's my boy".   Awe what a feeling!

Needle in a haystack...

I swear I was dodging people at work today because of my dress.  I know it was kind of risky to wear this today because it doesn't essentially fit the culture but I had no intakes and I was stuck to my office all day.  My office has two crowds, the under 27 crowd and the over 55 crowd so everything is kind of funky when it comes to dynamics, expectations, and dress.  Then you have me, right smack in the middle of that age demographic.  I just had to wear this Hell Bunny dress today because it was going to be 90 degrees and I've been staring at the dress for 3 weeks in my closet.  I'm making more of a conservative effort to dress better.  Since having the kid, gaining the weight, I have to admit my self confidence hit an all time low.  I wasn't feeling comfortable in my skin.  Which is a horrible feeling to have. Everything was sort of just, erh...not fun.  A few months back, I saw that a friend on facebook joined Gwynnie Bee and I was curious.  I did some poking and thought, hey this would be awesome.  I used to love dressing up when I was smaller but since being larger, it's more of a challenge.  Finding clothing when I am my current size is like finding a freaking needle in a hay stack.  I figured WTH, I decided to use some of my oncall money to off set the subscription price.  And voila, I hit clothing utopia.  I'm feeling better about myself and I'm getting out of my comfort zone of trying items that I normally would not touch.  Plus actually finding clothes that fit me properly and beautifully is an amazing feeling.

We haven't been able to be weekend warriors for the past few weekends and that has been somewhat bummy.  We love getting out of Kalamazoo and exploring along the lakeshore in our adorable camper.  Here it is mid-July and it feels like the summer is going to slip by quickly...which makes me sad.  Chris's schedule for work has been up in the air because he has one definite court appearance and two pending court cases that he could potentially needed for in the upcoming weeks.  I'm totally bummed out about one trip we already had to cancel because we had Lake Michigan camping reservations during the Coast Guard Festival.  I had visions of sitting on our lawn chairs looking up and watching the fireworks but alas...it wasn't meant to be.  We are trying to plan some get aways in the coming weeks but we'll see.  I'm also being picky about using my annual time.  I only earn 4 vacation hours every two weeks and have 3 floating days.  For me to take a day off of work must equate for something truly worth it.  I miss the days when I had annual/sick time all rolled into one.  Before I never had to worry about taking time off but now, I'm like "is this really worth a months of vacation?".  Though, I do have to think about my mental health and camping sounds good about now...

The house that got away...

Two years ago when we were transitioning down here, there was this GORGEOUS home.  The house was stunning...it was out of our budget at the time so we didn't even pursue it but looking back, I kicked myself to see that it did eventually sell for a price within our budget.  It was like "why didn't we look" "why didn't we try"?  Then today, I was glancing through the paper and saw that they had an open house from 12:30-2:30.  We had to go and see the house that got away!  We headed over and the area is absolutely lovely compared to our area which is transitioning.  There were mature trees and just this feel of a neighborhood.  With our neighborhood being built up, we lack that character that an established neighborhood has to offer...we have farm land that has been ripped up and ticky tackies being built all over.  Our saving grace is that we are one of the few houses in the 'hood that has color to it...the rest are tan's, grey's, etc.  Anyways, we start rolling towards the house.  I notice with different eyes that it's not everything I had built it up in my mind.  The streets are very narrow and it gives off this cool presence.  Not that warm inviting feel of "come live in me".  Funny how, in my mind, I built this house up to be the "one that got away".  Looking at it now, I can say "no thanks".  That's kind of how life is like right now.  I'm in this phase of looking at things as "this is the one that got away".  I have to keep on working on "it did get away but there was a reason it wasn't mine".   I'll remind myself of this when I hear some news that I may or may not like this week!

We had to stick around the house this weekend because I was oncall yesterday.  I haven't been so fortunate with oncall shifts for the past six months so straying away from the area would not be good. Luckily, it was quite so free money, yea!  We were able to deep clean the house because we have been bad lately with keeping things up...I had the flu last week and with all of the stuff going on in life, it was last on the list to get done.   I finally had Chris hang some stuff up in the house.  Prior to yesterday, I had only two things hanging in the house.  I know, bad, but this didn't really feel like home.  I had him put up a few pieces that I had in our old home that were favorites.   It's nice to have them out again, gracing the walls.  And possibly this is going to start feeling like home instead of a transition place...we'll see.

Crystal ball...

The one thing about life lately is that sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball.  Life continues to send us some curves, not bad curves, but just curves that we want to know...what's next? Last week, once again, Chris's job announced more re-shuffling.  Which is always an adventure...which one the of shuffles that got us living where we are now, so needless to say, I'm tired of the shuffles.  We thought the worst but it's looking like it's actually going to work in his favor this time.  He getting inline for the next position that he wants and he couldn't be happier about grabbing this new slot but the waiting to hear what is going to happen is the worst.  For myself, I too, am playing the waiting game.  I'm trying to not feel pessimistic about things but I'm convinced I'm pigeoned holed for a while.  I know I have to be patient but argh....though, if the universe is wanting something different for me, it will be.  In the end, I just have to see where everything lands.

I had some me time tonight and it felt wonderful.  I haven't had any major amounts of me time in a while so I decided to grab a meal and do some shopping.  I've been neglecting myself too long so it felt good to pamper myself.  I hooked myself up with some new shoes and other items.  It felt terrific to just get out and do some shopping therapy :)  Sometimes a gal has to do something for herself and for this gal, it's been a while...

Great 4th of July!

 I have to say that this little man is an amazing hiker.  We spent the 4th of July up north at Ludington State Park and we hiked everywhere.  This little trooper was right there just hiking along with us.  He even climbed the stairs to the top of the light house.  All I can say is that he amazes me everyday.  It's nice to see how he is really getting into the outdoors.  We were impressed with the park because it had so many options.  3 days was not enough so hopefully we will be able to go back soon.

I'm getting pretty creative with the camping food too.  I marinated some flank steak and it turned out amazing.  We had some asian slaw, grilled zucchini/squash, and some kimchee so it hit the spot.   Who says camp food is all about hot dogs and hamburgers?

It was a terrific weekend :)

Hey...

Hey, what's up? It's been a while.  Life is very different...very different.  I don't know if I will be ever settled into this "new life" but I've been in a funk for a bit.  You know that kind of funk that you know that life is passing you by but you don't really care because everything is status quo.  It is what it is...has been my motto.

I'm overweight again (as you can see)...the lack of movement has not been good for me.  Ever since being pregnant with the kid, my gym days have been over.  Eating, well, that needs to improve too.  The good thing is that I haven't gained any weight in a year.  Though, on the other hand, I haven't lost any weight.

I haven't been digging the move to Kalamazoo.  I had a great life in Grand Rapids, great job, awesome friends, and my dream home.  Kalamazoo, well it's not Grand Rapids.  The positives is that Chris is loving his new job.  He's moved into a different sector of his company and he is digging it.  He's digging it so much that he is going back to school at Penn State for computers....and his company is paying for it.  Now how awesome is that?  His company also took very good care of us with the relocation down here.  I just have to grow to enjoy this area, which doesn't feel like it will happen any time soon but things are looking better maybe?  We will see.

The awesome stuff that is happening right now is that we are enjoying our kid.  He is absolutely the most amazing little man ever.  He makes me giggle every day and he's as spunky as all get out.  Love being his mom.

After this long Michigan winter, we have been able to enjoy the summer.  We broke down and bought a 2008 Dutchman T@DA after realizing that tent camping with a young child = no fun.  We've been able to hit quite a few  parks around the region.  I never knew camping could be this much fun.

So this is where we are right now.  Could it be better, yup.  Could it be worse, yup.  

Switching up the breakfast...

I am switching up my breakfast today. Usually I blend up a smoothie in my vitamix but I am going to start switching it up a bit. Today I made an egg white omelet with mushrooms, spinach, garlic, and feta cheese. I love egg white omelets and what you can put in them is endless.  

I spent last week doing workouts at home. It was a nice break but I was happy to return to the gym this morning and it felt terrific. I was also surprised that the gym traffic was not too much more. There were some new faces but not too many. When I worked out at the Y, there were so many new faces in January but here not so much. It's a much cheaper gym so I guess I was expecting more turn out. New faces are always good! 

We signed the kid up for gymnastics. The kid is something. He will jump off the couch with no issues. He will yell "TWO" and boom, he is landing on us.  We thought maybe we need to channel this and have him learn some fun ways to bounce around and have a good time.  Plus it exposes him to sports :) which is awesome. We wanted to do a swim class with him but we are going to wait until spring to do that so that we are not overloading the little guy.  The one good thing about the classes is that they go in 8 week lengths so this will put us into March.  Now that is nice to hear...March = spring.  

Hi....my name is Kellie...

Hi, my name is Kellie and it about time to blog again. I've lurked on a few sites lately and finding out that more and more people have lost their inspiration to blog. I know what that feels like. Life gets busy, you have a ton of stuff to do, lots of stuff going on, and blogging, well, it's not fun when you can't feel like you can be anonymous. So why bother....? Well, it's a great tool. It's kind of nice looking back to where I was, who I was at a specific time, and where I wanted to go as a person. In this case, I want to find who I am today.

I was not prepared for what life had in store for my during the past year. We moved from our dream home which was rough. In the long run, I knew it was the best for our family. The truth was, we lived in a charming home in Grand Rapids, which unfortunately had one of the worst school districts in Michigan. We had a house loan which we were upside down in because when the market crashed, our house was not valued at what it once was. We couldn't refinance because we were upside down in it. Chris's company gave us the most amazing relocation package ever and we simply could not say no. It was truly that good. His company was relocating all the individuals from Grand Rapids to one main office in Michigan and after finding out that he would have an unreasonable commute, we decided to go forth with a move. I had to find a new job. That was a trip that I don't want to re-live. It was a weird process and I was lucky to be offered a few jobs that I had to say no to but I found one that was a decent fit. We were able to find a new home that suited our style. We didn't want to go with a charming older home because I would compare it to my GR home. Our home sold to the first couple who saw it and they offered above listing price. Which is unheard of in our economy. We moved and said goodbye to our old life...now we have this new life.

New house, new job, and really a new life. Our new life is different. Q...u..i...e....t... More family time. I have a 30 minute commute vs an hour. We have time at night and in the morning with our kid. We are not running as much and it feels different. My whole life I had this super fast pace, now it's slow. We are adjusting to the new community. Luckily, we have some close friends who live nearby but we will need to meet some more people so our support system would be a tad larger.

We are still trying to get orientated to the surroundings. During the past two years, I honestly can say is that I totally sucked with my fitness. After having the kid, I was able to go back to the gym but then I injured my foot because I felt that I could run again. Bad choice because it took me six months to get over that. Then the sleep deprivation of an infant. Not fun...in fact 8 months of seemingly bad sleep was no fun at all. Then I became shut down about all the changes in my life. I didn't want to move and lose what we had so I ate...ate...ate. Luckily, I am not larger than I am now but I am at the same weight as when I first entered Weight Watchers back in 2002.  Though, I have to say, I look better :)

I recommitted myself to Weight Watchers back at the end of October.  I also have been going to the gym since then which is the cheapest gym ever but also the nicest.  My weight loss is incredibly slow.  So slow that I was getting to the point of frustration that I was eating well, working out five days a week, and nothing.  But then I noticed that the pants are fitting better and finally I am losing.

Here I am...recommitting like I always do and hoping that things will change.  The thing I like about the new WW program is that it reminds me of classic cognitive behavioral therapy.  They are really attacking the emotional aspects of eating.  Trying to target where you are putting that bad foods in your mouth and focus on moving both emotionally and physically.

My goals for 2013...
1. Focus on the moment, not past or future, just look at the day.
2.  Gym 5x per week.
3.  Becoming more acclimated in our community.
4.  Being at peace with where I am currently.  Which is where I am supposed to be.

Happy 2013. It's great to be back.  Take care all-Kellie

Our kid is way too cute, isn't he?