It feels like money...

Lately it feels like money is just sliding out of my pockets. I was totally on empty today so I fueled my gas hogging Jeep Wrangler up and it was a whopping $55. This will last me 2.5 days. I remembered in grad school when I lived in Louisville, I paid 76 cents for gas, now I'm paying $3.32 a gallon. I've been pondering if the Jeep needs to go lately. The only thing that is keeping me from selling it is that it is paid off, I've maintained it nicely, and we have a small sail boat (that has not seen water in two years). I'm been secretly desiring to buy a small shitkicker but the only downfall of that, is that I don't want to buy a used junker that is questionable. Though, driving 105 miles per day myself and Chris is driving 120 miles is getting me to think about some other car options. We hit $760 for gas last month and we didn't take any trips. I got all excited thinking that we were going to save some major money this month but then the brakes on the jeep were going so we shelled out $600 for brakes but at least we had the money to pay for it in cash without touching the savings. It just seems like since the first of the year, we've been sending out a ton of money with property taxes, car insurance, etc. Plus vacation is only three months away so I would like to have some extra pocket change for the trip. At least we don't have any credit card debt! I learned in my 20s to stay away from that kind of debt.

I feel pretty bummed for my sister. She was attempting to get into grad school for speech pathology but she was waitlisted. Hopefully, a spot will open up for her. It's been 8 years since she's been out of school. She graduated the top student out of her class so I was suprised to her that she was waitlisted. At least she didn't get rejected but if she doesn't get a spot, hopefully she will try again. My mom said that there was over 200 applicants for the 32 spots. So send her some positive thoughts. I know that things happen for a reason but it would be nice to see her go back to school so that she could get her masters. Thank God I got my masters when I did. I would strongly urge those who need to go on for their career to do it while their young because when you get older you have too many responsibilities. I couldn't imagine going back to school at this point in my life. So I give people a lot of credit who do it with kids and a full time job.

I ate 26 points today...day 3 of tracking...just 21 more days to make it a habit, right? I'm heading in the right direction....take care all-Kellie

Love this feeling....

I love spring. I truly do. Nothing is better than the sun shinning brightly, a warm breeze, and the feeling that the snow is over. DH and I travelled over to Lansing yesterday and it was amazing. We drove by the campus of Michigan State and people were sprawling on the grass, throwing ball, etc. Seeing that sparked the feeling of winter is finally over and spring is going to be in full force.

Today we get to do some spring cleaning. Our duties today is to rake the remaining leaves on the lawn and do some general clean up. I'm trying to convince Chris to rent us a small dumpster to get ride of some of the yard waste that we didn't focus on last year. Our back yard is pretty funky. We live on an incline and in our back yard we have some flat space but then we have a 12 foot hill with an incline. Future plans for the hill include a Pagoda type structure, a small pond, and some other landscaping. That's a few years out but we still our planning. The most immediate thing we need to do is to get some new windows and insulation. We finally get to start saving some money this money because nothing major is going to be going out. We just put brakes on the jeep so there no big forecasted expensives coming up until vacation. Thanks to the stinking stimulus package, we're going on vacation with that so it's not going to impact the budget. We were going to buy a video camera for the trip but I think we are going to hold off on that until the technology price comes down (Chris wants a sony 60gb HD video camera that is running about $1K at Costco...I say wait on that).

The weight is staying put (which is awesome) and I'm tracking my points for the second day in a row. I've been trying to be more mindful of what I put in my mouth. For instance, yesterday, I could have completely gorged myself. We hit the Michigan Brewing Company and I was very good. Chris tried some brews out and I tasted. Prior to going to the brewig company, we stopped a nice but strange restaurant in Okemos (a small town outside of East Lansing). It was called "The Travelers Club" which was a tuba museum and a restaurant that had food inspired from all over the world. He had a few samples of their brew and I ate a delicious Greek salad instead of picking the Indian meal complete with a mango lassi...

We hit the gym 3 times this week and it was exciting. I think that it's getting darker later in the night, makes it easier. I'm still in a quandry about the curves place so we'll see where that goes. Working out there has been a complete time challenge lately and I don't know if it's going to be any better. Summer will be more flexible on my schedule because I won't have to put up with the after school appointments because everyone will be home. Well that's it for me today because we have a busy day! Take care all-Kellie

Slowly finding the mojo...

I am slowly finding my mojo back. Darn, that trip to Kalamazoo! It totally threw me off course and it's taken me forever to get back on. I think I used almost every excuse in the book of why I haven't been feeling like exercising. For instance, "Oh, I am working late" or "Chris is sick" or my favorite one is "Oh, my energy is completely gone". Last week, we made it to the gym once but then Saturday we went out Geocaching around Muskegon near the lakeshore. The one thing about living in West Michigan that is wonderful is all the access to the beaches. We found two caches in Muskegon State Park and they were wonderful. The trails were awesome but as I was walking around, I was very aware of how out of shape I have become. It was a sad realization that I could definitely not reframe. It felt good though to be back on the trail. I'm looking forward to being outside this summer. We have the house exactly where it will not need any work so we can focus our energy on maintenance and having fun. We haven't camped in years either so it's definitely a goal this year to grab the tent and do some exploring. Geocaching is awesome. If you have a GPS, there is no excuse on not using it for some fun. The positive thing about caching is that it takes you to some awesome spots that you would never know about. Like this weekend, when we went out to the park, we hike about 1.5 miles and the views were stunning. When we go on vacation, we're always grabbing our GPS to take us to spots. There are several favorite sports that caching has taken me. My number one spot was looking at Sun Island at Glacier National Park in WY. The other was in DC where they had a spot with all of the individuals who signed the Declaration of Independence. We would have never known about it unless we were caching.

I found out last week that my Curves owners is sold the club. I know that things have been tight but I was so sad to hear this. I was happy that they were able to sell without just closing it but I'm so sad that they are not going to be running it anymore. It kept me accountable and now I found out that they are also losing the whole staff because the new owner is bring in her own people. It's sad....my ladies will be broken up. We're planning on keeping in touch but I feel it will be like that for a while, then we will part ways. Goes back to my transitional friend theory. I have this theory about friends. People are in your life for a certain time and they exit your life accordingly. I'm very cautious when it comes to friend. My best girl friend is Teresa and she is probably in my life because when I exited her's she did such a good job of keeping in touch with me. Besides that, the only women I feel close to are my curves acquaintances. My coworkers on my team are awesome but I always keep a distance because I'm afraid to blur the lines there. I sometimes wonder why I don't have too many close friends but to tell you the truth, I'm okay with it. People burn me out. I'm very skilled clinician and put 110% into my job and meeting the "client of where they are at" and then to deal with people like that are high mantinence in my personal life? No thank you. That's why I loved the ladies at Curves. They were non-draining positive people and this is a rarity in my life to have people like that in my life. So when I heard the ladies were selling the club, I was sort of crushed. I feel sad about losing part of my support network and I truly hope that they are not a part of my transitional friend theory. There are people that stay in touch, right?

Life is...

Life has been pretty quiet lately, which is good. There's every little day stuff that happens but rarely do I get down to post about it. I find little things everyday that I wish I could post but by the time I have the time, it's like puff, it's gone.

I'm happy that spring is around the corner. The winter was tough, especially commuting an hour to work, which seemed like 75% of February was a two hour commute...but at least I have a job. I don't think I was mentally prepared for this winter. Between Chris and I, we had about 5 great falls. Luckily, no broken bones. We had countless attempts to make it up our drive with no luck. One time his car went down the drive in park and went parallel to the sidewalk and a good neighbor helped pull Chris out. To top it all off, Chris flipped the Jeep on Christmas eve and thank goodness he was okay. So needless to say, I'm ready to say goodbye to the winter and hello to Spring.

We have a couple of things cooking for this spring and summer. We might go up to Mackinaw Island and stay at the Grand Hotel opening weekend and then we are planning a trip out east to and on the fourth of July we are going to be in DC watching the fireworks so I'm looking forward to that. We're planning the trip around the mandatory graduation party for Chris's cousin who is graduating from high school. The kid is amazing...he was on Jeopardy when he was in 5th grade, already has a full ride to anywhere he would like, and he applied to Princeton, John Hopkins, and Yale. He's never experienced what a B is...which makes me think why on earth would he like to be clumped into all the best out of the best? He's going to be devastated if he's not number one. Two years ago when we stayed at their house, I found a goal sheet that the kid made. He was 15 and he discussed how he wants inner peace and to enjoy the true nature that surrounds him. When I was 15, I have no idea what I was thinking, wait, I was thinking about the boys...no wonder this kid is a genius. What 15 year old thinks about this. To even have a global perspective at a young age is amazing. Chris has an interesting extended family unit. The majority of them do very well in life. His cousin who lives in DC worked for the navy on the subs then entered civilian life and now he is running his own company. His wife is an engineer at NASA. These are just a few examples. My family is different and to tell you the truth, I wouldn't have it any other way though. Plus another thing about his family is that they all live in great places. He has an aunt in Alaska, a cousin in DC, another cousin in Delaware, etc. so we have places to stay out east and west.

Weight wise, I've been messing up the last three weeks. I totally had an awesome groove going in but just when I hit my stride, I lost my mojo. I need to get back to journaling and all that good stuff. I got comfortable. Honestly, sometimes it is difficult to lose weight when you find yourself okay. I like my body the way it is. I know losing 30 pounds is essential but to tell you the truth, it is hard to get into the mindset when you think you look good. Unfortunately, one of my best skills that I have is positively reframing things and this can sometimes be a barrier to weightloss, I swear. If I found myself miserable to look at, I might have more fire under my bum but I'm okay with myself. Though, this is not helping in the area of losing weight to eventually have a kid. I don't want to way this much when we go try to produce some offspring so maybe I need to focus on that. Now that's an idea!

I think I'm obessed with my...

I, Kellie, am obessed with my crockpot. Oh, crockpot how I adore thee. For the past 3 weeks, I have done at least 3 meals a week in the crock...and the crock is kicking out some superior meals. Some favorites I've done is a flank steak/taco rub mixe with salsa verde, white chicken chili, chicken casserole, and my absolutely to die for chicken curry. Oh, it was lick the plate yummy. My passion lately has been cooking meals. I've always enjoyed cooking to tell you the truth. My first cooking attempts came at the ripe age of 5 and since then I've always loved to cook. I hate baking but cooking is something that I look forward to do. With using the crockpot, I'm able to come home at night and not worry about scrambling to get dinner done. I checked a few books out at the library to help me with some ideas because I have a lot of recipes but I like diversity. My cooking is pretty diverse in nature. I love cooking more meals like meditterean, indian, thai, chinese, brittsh, etc. I'm not a meat n' taters type of gal. My philosphy on cooking is that I want to feel like I'm eating out the majority of time. Cooking a diverse menu helps with that and it helps saves money in the long run because we don't eat out as much as I would be inclined to do. I'm the type of person that would rather have a nice meal out than a new top or outfit. So in order to combat this urge, I cook well.

I hit WW again this past week and I'm down another .8! I'm so happy aboout this. I'm feeling good and the one think about WW is that it's always slow and steady for me. In my hx of weightloss, I don't think I truly ever had a "BIG" week. It's usually a pound and under. I feel great about it because I know my behaviors are back on track. Where I was getting stuck in the past few years was with the lack of tracking points. It's amazing how many points you can shove into your mouth without even know....thank God for E-tools, it is keeping me very mindful about the choices I am making.

I've been in a reading mode lately. My latest read is: Final Exits, the illustrated encloypedia on how we die. It's a quarky book and a must read for those who like odd facts. For instance, I never knew that Presiden Zachary Taylor died from aresinic poisioning. At a fourth of July celebration near the Washington monument, they invited people to cook for the president and 3 days later he passed away. another fun fact, about 2300 people die from pushing too hard in the bathroom. So be sure to get your fiber in...you don't want to die from that :) Have a terrific day all-Kellie

House pics finally!

Oh, the joys of West Michigan weather...

Please please let it be April soon. I don't think I can put up with anymore snow. We had a bad storm pass through the other night. In 6 hours it went from 47 degrees (it did not feel like it) to 9 (which felt much colder). I know it's personal choice to live in Michigan but I hate cold weather. It was so bad yesterday that my work closed for the first time since 2002. I made up my mind at 6am (actually my mind was made up the night before) that I wasn't going to make the 52 mile commute to work. It would have taken me 2-3 hours to get up there. Luckily, they called it a closure at 8 am. Tonight we're supposed to get slammed again. It's looking like a foot of snow by tomorrow night. Urgh!

Thank goodness Chris and I have good jobs or I would be questioning why we stay here. Well, family keeps us tied here too. I still love Michigan. It's a beautiful place, nice beaches, lots of beautiful landscape, and diversity amongst the state. Unfortunately, we're hit with a nasty recession. Detroit sounds like it's a mess and the jobless rate continues to rise. The only way I would lose my job was if I did something stupid or my agency lost it's contract. Chris works for a strong company who is hiring people left and right. But even then, he has been forced out of a field due to the economy and he's had to go into a career that is not what he went to school for. I ask him periodically if he misses being a pilot but he notes he hasn't but I always worry if he is honest about that. He was passionate about being a pilot since the 5th grade. I never had passion like that. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger, then in high school, I wanted to be a speech pathologist. I got to college and after talking to a school rep they noted that my grades wouldn't be high enough for graduate school so I didn't even try. I kind of regret that now. I explored being in business, then a business teacher, and then finally after looking at my piss poor grades, the only thing I did well at was my human behavior class, which I had my one and only A. I thought then "Ah, I get this social work thing. Maybe I should be a social worker" thus my road to being a social worker. Funny thing in high school when I took my ACT, it noted that I was bust suited for being a social worker. At that time, I was like "no way I want to work with people like that"...funny how things change. I love being a social worker...I really do. There's a lot of positive things that come out of doing my job but then there is a lot of sad...lots of sad...lots and lots of sad...that people have had exposure to in their young life. Every once in a while, I cry about my kids that I work with(this is something I don't share with others because I know all of us workers have been there), hoping that things change or life gets better. The thing about being a worker is that you have to accept that you are a farmer. You plant some seeds and you hope they grow, so do, some lie dormant but there is always hope.

I had my dentist appointment today. I have to tell you that I get excited for my dentist. I absolutely love that place and getting out of work early on a Thursday is freaking awesome. I had plans of cooking Chris an elaborate italian meal but I'm going to whip up some crab cakes tonight. I'm kicking butt with WW. I'm losing slowly but steadily and I, Kellie, have logged ALL my points for the past month...now that rocks. Have a terrific day and take care-Kellie

My computer is finally back!

January 26th, 2008

If I have learned something over the past two months, it is to back up! The same time I was posting the last entry, I was browsing my favorite gossip site and it gave my computer a nasty virus that sent me spyware glore so I just got full access back today. Chris had been working on backing up everything so it took forever. I thought I lost some of my pictures but luckily Chris's friend gave him a program that saved the pics so I was relieved.

Lots of stuff has been happening but the most exciting thing is that we adopted two shelter cats. We resuced them from the animal shelter. The weird thing about the animal shelter is that it's located next to the county jail so we sprung out kitties out! Both are around two years old. The male who is a tiger is named Bolton and the other is a female naked Forest (she has Forest Whitakers eyes) but I nick named her "baby gurl". I never would have thought that owning cats was so rewarding. I've really become attached to them so much and I love them so. Aren't they cuties? Chris was being mean with Forest by teasing her with some food. I thought this picture was so funny.

As for weight, the holidays were a tad bit challenging. I hit my recent all time high of 191, which scared the crap out of me. So I started logging my points again...wow, that's a new concept! Yeah, it's neen actual years since I have faithfully logged points so I was able to do it for a month already and I'm down four pounds for the month. I finally found a leader who is motivating and staff who don't say a darn word at the weigh in (good or bad) and I'm hooked. I still need to work on the working out thing but I'm averaging about 3x per week. Twice at Curves and then on Fridays, Chris and I play badmiton at the Y. I would ideally like to go back to swimming but the snow ticks me off and the cold so my target date to start back at the pool is March 1st.

In order to set myself up for success, I've been cooking a lot of crock pot meals. I do some menu planning the day before and I plot out my dinner. It's so nice to come home to a cooked meal without asking or hearing, what's for dinner? I've got a few favorites so I'm hooked. Tomorrow I'm cooking a chicken verde in the crockpot so I'm looking forward to that. I got the recipe out of a Betty Crocker Slow Cooker Cookbook that I checked out at the library. I hate boring food so I always try to spice things up a bit. Last week I made a scallop thai soup and it was to die for. Chris rated it a 10 (which is difficult to get) so he keeps on asking when am I going to make it again. The thing about cooking a good meal is that it makes me feel like I'm eating out and that's all I need to keep statisified.

Things are good, life is good but busy so I'm always searching for that balance. I would like to get meet a few people so DH and I are going to start to attend the local methodist church in a few weeks. It's a pretty progressive church and I've downloaded their sermons and it's sounding good. Well, that's it for me. Take care, Kellie

Why does it seem?

The funny thing is that the older I get, the busier I feel. Lately, I have been swamped! One weekend we were in St. Louis, the next 2 weekends we were in Ann Arbor, MI at the University of Michigan (boo!), and then I had 2 weeks of training for work so I've had a whirlwind fall. Things are finally settling down for me which is good.

The house is looking terrific though. I got suckered into throwing a spa party last weekend and it was the final motivator to get things done and the place looks awesome. I love my house, I really do. The small little features that it has to offer is amazing. I'm glad we really held out until we did. So here's the recent slide show.

Work is going great and I was picked to learn a new therapy style from out west that they implement in Norway for positive parenting focusing on encouragement. It's absolutely terrific and I think it's going to work really well with people. So that's uber cool. There are only about 30 people in Michigan that are trained in this style so it's an awesome addition to add to my growing resume.

It's always good to stick to your...

Argh! I had one of those days/nights yesterday. I swear it was a full moon out. It all started yesterday morning. I was feeling tired because I didn't go to bed at a good time so I work up late.

Wow, I'm actually sticking to it!

Wow, it's been a few weeks and my changes keep coming! I got my hair cut last week and it looks terrific. I was joking with some co-workers that I haven't changed my hairstyle in 10 years and it was about time that I made some changes. Chris (my husband) joked that I looked like a 25 year old when he saw it. To make matters worse, I got carded last week when we went to a winery last week during our stay in Amana, Iowa. We went out there for Oktoberfest. I loved visiting Iowa. I swear they get a bad rap on their state. It was so beautiful and Iowa City rocks. They had this cool market name New Pioneer Foods, it was a food co-op. If my town had one like this, I wouldn't be begging for a Trader Joes. In Michigan, Trader Joes is only located on the east side of the state. Every time we go into Detroit or Chicago, we hit it. I love their food and the selections/price is terrific. This summer we were able to hit the farmers market to get fresh veggies and fruits from the farmers. We are so fortunate to have this option. It's really saved on the food. Oh, I went off on a tangent there didn't I?

When I returned to WW I weighed 189 so I'm back down to 184.6. My local WW was bought out by Weight Watchers International so I went with the monthly pass with E-tools. I love E-tools. It so easy and it keeps my accountable and I can log it when I'm near a computer. I found 2 great leaders at two different locations so I can hit a meeting without having any excuses of not going. My former excuse was that the Saturday leader at my old place was a flake...really she was. I had no motivation at the meeting. The two new leaders are terrific and extremely informative and I'm feeling at home with the people. It seemingly is a very supportive environment. Plus, I want to be there now.

Working out is going good. I stopped carpooling so that I could swim in the mornings. I wake up at 5:40 am to do this, now that is devotion! I swim 4-5 a week. I swim continuously for 15 minutes, take a 1 minute break, then I am back to swimming another 15 minutes. 3 times a week I'm at CURVES and then occasionally I'll go back to the gym to play racquetball with Chris. It's a good balance. I've missed swimming so it feels terrific to be back in the pool. When my weekends get calm in November, I will be attending Yoga on Saturdays. October is swamped for me. I'm out for training for a whole week and then for 2 weekends I'm at the University of Michigan for training so I won't have a weekend free for a while.

Overall, I'm happy with the changes I have been making. I'm trying more things and I'm finally getting the balance that I have been longing for. My motivation is high and life is good. I can't think of anything else that I need to focus on but I'm open to change at this time.

As for the house, the house is finally settling down and it's looking terrific too. I added some old pictures for your viewing pleasure but it's still a work in progress. Check out the link below. It feels good to have a home though and I'm happy that we bought it. I haven't been disappointed about it yet. Well, I got to get up early, take care all-Kellie

How many times have I restarted?!?!?

I can't even tell you how many times that I have started over with attempting to create change in my life. I've been wanting to change lately but I got stuck in this rut. It feels like I've been in this rut now for a few years now just laying dormant. Until this week. I don't know if you could call it a mid-life crisis (or turning 32) but I've done so many things to challenge myself this week, it's amazing. Really, it is truly amazing because I absolutely hate change. I will pout, become uncomfortable, quiet, etc. but not this time. I'm changing...

In one week, I've:
Been to a beginners yoga class
Started swimming again
Went back to CURVES
Went to a Girls Night Out where I knew no one
Ended a unhealthy friendship
Started a new direction
Not judged myself for trying something new
Track all my points for WW
Went back to WW for the 10th time
Been mindful of my goals in life

Now that is a week. I've not been liking how things were going. I got LAZY....VERY LAZY...which made me depressed...which made me judge myself which caused me not to change...which made matters worse.

So I started to think this week. In a year, where do I want to be? I want to be strong both mentally, physically, and health wise. What have I been putting off or been scared to do? Lots of things. I think one of the running themes lately for myself is that I've been so resistant to change, my eyes have been closed to life in some manner. I've been missing out. Maybe I needed to be like this for the last while in order to create some change but I'm ready for changes. I want to change.

So these are my wants for the next year:
-I want to be comfortable about becoming a mom being emotionally ready to have a baby
-I want more friends. I've basically shut myself off to friends in high school/college
-I want to be mindful of what I put in my body
-I want to be physically healthy and strong
-I want to stop judging myself and being mindful when it does happen
-I want to be a better person

Part of this change is the new page. The old page isn't me anymore. It shows a transform of who I used to be at one point but I'm not that person anymore. I've grown some since then and I've regressed some too. It's a wonderful account of my 20s but I'm different now and have better places to go. So I hope you will be with me during this time because I'm ready for some change.