Saturday, September 15, 2007

How many times have I restarted?!?!?

I can't even tell you how many times that I have started over with attempting to create change in my life. I've been wanting to change lately but I got stuck in this rut. It feels like I've been in this rut now for a few years now just laying dormant. Until this week. I don't know if you could call it a mid-life crisis (or turning 32) but I've done so many things to challenge myself this week, it's amazing. Really, it is truly amazing because I absolutely hate change. I will pout, become uncomfortable, quiet, etc. but not this time. I'm changing...

In one week, I've:
Been to a beginners yoga class
Started swimming again
Went back to CURVES
Went to a Girls Night Out where I knew no one
Ended a unhealthy friendship
Started a new direction
Not judged myself for trying something new
Track all my points for WW
Went back to WW for the 10th time
Been mindful of my goals in life

Now that is a week. I've not been liking how things were going. I got LAZY....VERY LAZY...which made me depressed...which made me judge myself which caused me not to change...which made matters worse.

So I started to think this week. In a year, where do I want to be? I want to be strong both mentally, physically, and health wise. What have I been putting off or been scared to do? Lots of things. I think one of the running themes lately for myself is that I've been so resistant to change, my eyes have been closed to life in some manner. I've been missing out. Maybe I needed to be like this for the last while in order to create some change but I'm ready for changes. I want to change.

So these are my wants for the next year:
-I want to be comfortable about becoming a mom being emotionally ready to have a baby
-I want more friends. I've basically shut myself off to friends in high school/college
-I want to be mindful of what I put in my body
-I want to be physically healthy and strong
-I want to stop judging myself and being mindful when it does happen
-I want to be a better person

Part of this change is the new page. The old page isn't me anymore. It shows a transform of who I used to be at one point but I'm not that person anymore. I've grown some since then and I've regressed some too. It's a wonderful account of my 20s but I'm different now and have better places to go. So I hope you will be with me during this time because I'm ready for some change.

3 comments:

anji said...

Thank Goodness! I can't WAIT to read more from you. You're STILL my favourite blogger after all these years!

I'm in the same spot as you, totally. I hate where I am at. I need change even though I'm not happy with things.

I want things to be like the good ol' days, where change was good and the change WAS good! (make sense?)

You need to get on MSN or somethin' :P

anji

anji said...

P.S. How is the new home coming??? Never goes fast enough, eh? The renovations?? :D Hope you update your changes on your other page! Good idea! And, it makes you feel so good about the changes....

Rosamunde said...

Thanks for writing this.