I think there's a storm brewing and I'm not ready for it. This storm is an emotional storm and I just don't want to deal with it. Things are going funky with my parents and my sister. Which totally ticks me off because I'm tired of the family drama. It happened last with my sister which lasted over two years and now it's happening again with me. It all started a little over a month ago when Chris and I went to Mackinac Island. My mom was pressing me to come visit her when we were coming home. For some reason, she thought we were driving near her home, which we were not. I explained how we were not even going to be close but I still felt pressured to attempt to see them and explained how it was 45 minutes out of our way but she wouldn't listen and noted that she would be very upset if we didn't stop. So that Sunday, I was hurt physically front the day before. My foot was strained from all the walking and I was tired. We left the island at 12:30 pm and then I called my dad and noted that we would still try to visit them (even though I was hurt/tired and it would be a fast hi/bye). My leg was hurting and I was upset in general so I talked it over with Chris so we decided not to make the trip over to see them. I called, told them why, etc. So that next weekend was the weekend when we capped the fireplace. Chris's parents volunteered to come up to help us get on the roof and cap it. When I talked to my mom that week, she was like "Oh, YOU'RE always seeing Chris's folks. They are a priority". I explained that they were purely coming up to help us out. I knew stuff was brewing then and we discussed it and thought, why not have them come down with Chris's parents here. We were having turkey on the girl and we could all visit. They declined. So we went up the next weekend. I got an earful about how we should have visited them the Mackinac weekend and how if we really wanted to see them, we could have left the Island earlier, how they never see us, and Chris's parents is the priority. I noted to them, it was not good to see them that weekend because we were not going by their house but was 45 miles out of the way, I was injured, etc. Chris's parents will come to help out with the house and visit us but that is their choice. I noted to them that they could have come down to visit but they noted that they felt like they were imposing. So after a few of my tears (because of hearing what I don't do is painful) and continuing to press on with my point I thought we came to a consensus. Chris felt that I held my ground with her but her felt that she did not feel the satisfaction of winning so I would probably get more crap in the future, he was right. Then comes my sister issue, my nephew's birthday is on Sunday. We will not be home on Sunday because Chris's dad is having a get together and it is custom to stay the whole weekend when it's a parents birthday because they are the priority. Well, it's my sisters son's birthday (nephew) and we wouldn't be around so I called her to see if we could get together so I could drop off some gifts and see them since we were not going to be around on his birthday. Left a message, no calls, nothing (it's two weeks later so I sent the gifts in the mail). I told my mom this. She noted "Well, Carrie isn't going to move the birthday" "I wasn't asking her to, I just wanted to drop the gifts off" I replied "Well, I guess Chris's parents are the priority?" she asked "Yes, it is his dads birthday and he is the priority because it's his dad. You wouldn't want me to chose Chris's nephew/niece over your birthday, would you?" I asked. So there was a dig from her. Then of course the next time we chatted, mom was nice finally, no digs. Then the next call, I called them on election night and noted that I was going to call them back but I fell asleep then called Wednesday to apologize then nothing. No calls, nothing. I know I am in for it now. Not only with my parents but again Carrie. I'm tired of this family crap. The last time this happened I basically cried for a year about Carrie. It was never resolved but I moved on. Now it's happening all over again, hell no I'm not going to put myself through that again. It was awful and I will never have that relationship with my sister. I've accepted it and now with my parents because they are feeling slighted over Chris's parents? It makes me feel emotionally tired and sad. Nothing is ever good enough on my parent.
I feel like we make about 85% of the effort when it comes to my family. I do 95% of the phone calls because I hear, "We never know when you are home" from my mom. I noted that "it's nice to see the attempt". They have only been to my home a few times since moving here because it's too far. My parents will come into town or near where I live and not stop. When we go up, it is expected to stay the full weekend but they don't stay here, etc. It feels like how much am I expected to give, give, give. Sometimes I feel that's all I do in my life is give but when it comes to myself, am I receiving...no because I'm the giver and that is my role. I remember in the past, it was always me to run to them. Going back to college, they never came up because it was "too far and we're working" so I used the Greyhound a few times, in grad school I always went to them, when I was dating Sluggy, I ran to them, now I still run to them but it's healthier now. The common thing I hear "it's too far". Yup...this is going to suck because I know what is coming and heck, I don't deserve this one. Argh...need hug...and not ruminate on it. I keep on telling myself I'm doing the best that I can. I guess that's all I can do.