Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Hi, my name is Kellie and I have...

Hello, my name is Kellie and somewhere along the way, I lost my mojo. Can you help me find it? Oh, please, can you?

The last few months have been a blur. Not a bad blur but just a blur, like time is passing by so quickly that it scares me. I'm turning 33 next month, 33. I think it started to freak me out a few weeks ago that I am turning this age. It was fine to hit 30, heck, I was looking forward to it. But this 33 is freaking me out. I think I've been doing some inward self inspection. There are things that I need to change, but don't want to. I, Kellie, have been lazy all summer, I haven't counted points since March, and I feel...well, terrible about it. I say I want to commit to myself but then, the choices I make, well, they suck. It's not like I am going out and eating with all abadonment, but it's lost little tiny choices that I make everyday that add up to were I am now. I'm up to 188. The heaviest that I have been in years. This is because my laziness and lack of trying, I know that. I am accountable to it. I keep asking myself where is my motivation? Where's that mojo of mine? I need to change, but how? I have a couple of solutions but I need to make the changes. It's me...and I hate this feeling. People that have been here in this spot, understand where I am at. I have two options, give in, not care (which I have been doing for years, really) or put up a fight, start on the right track. I want to fight but my choices have been the lazy route.

So that's where I am at. Looking for motivation, finding some inner strength to get my "poop in a group". I want to do it again, but I find myself asking, how can I?

Thanks for listening...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. You're pretty, have a great job and a great husband. You'll get your motivation back.

Anonymous said...

I agree... we can't be perfect all of the time!! You'll get it back... Oh, and if you find mine, send it my way!! =)

Anonymous said...

Kelly, your Alaska lurker here . . . I lost my motivation a while back. However, I'm so glad to see that you've posted again. You will get it back, I'm sure. You're smart, you know what it takes, and you know it's important to take care of yourself. One day at a time.

anji said...

I am experiencing the same dilemma. How far are you from me again? We should have a chickie weekend, get our mojo back and meet up again in six months. If you are game, let me know. Maybe we could swing that visit finally!

anji